You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
