he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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