Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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