i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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