took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
