a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
