jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
