hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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