Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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