I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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