listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
