Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So vagazzling was a success
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
