after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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