what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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