sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
