just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We are all done wearing pants today
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
