All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
