You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
