I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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