I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
