Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
