i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
