I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
