all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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