im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
