Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
