this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
