Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was so not down for the gang bang
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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