Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
