This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just cropdusted the office
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
