Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
