yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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