White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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