ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
