So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
