You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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