I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
