Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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