Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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