So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He passed out mid-signature
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
