He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
