omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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