we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
