and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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