I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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