No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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