Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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