If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
