We're facebook friends in real life
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
