Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
