I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
