Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are the jesus of drinking
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
