You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
