Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
