im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
