So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
