This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
