hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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