I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sext me about skeletons
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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