you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
